Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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