ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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