watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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