Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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