He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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