Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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