im six kinds of drunk right now
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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