remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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