it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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