last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
