So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
