Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
