I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
