i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
