remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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