Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
