I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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