She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
