I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
