I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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