I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
