That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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