You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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