This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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