either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
