i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We had to coat check the pizza.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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