i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
