K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
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After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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