my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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