i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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