he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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