I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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