My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
