Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
