Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
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I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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