just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
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The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
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I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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