Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Let the clothes fall where they may.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
