I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
you made out with another girl for some wings
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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