Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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