i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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