Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
