he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
