I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
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i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
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i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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