Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
it's like iHOP with fire
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
