I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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