I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
