also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
