My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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