May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Let's get the cat blown out
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
