the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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