how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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