4 words: hood of his car
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Someone signed my nipple.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
