I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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