yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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