i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
