Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
