I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
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You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
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We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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